Eliwood, Hector, Nino and Marriage
by Ariaeris
Summary: Nino got the great idea to ask Eliwood who he would marry when he returned home. Randomness ensues. Will be slash and pairing should be obvious. Read and review please!


Well here I am with my first ever fanfiction. I don't know if this will be any good or not. Heck, I don't even know if this will show up correctly, for I have little idea how this site works. Well, I have to try anyways. Please review people, because I have to know if someone liked this or not! If it was good tell me, if it was bad tell me so I can improve. Just no flames, I really don't need any harshness for my first time trying this.

I'd dedicate this to someone, but I do not know if this is any good. I'd hate to dedicate something bad to someone. In any case, the one who this is dedicated to should know who she is.

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Once in a land called Elibe there was a group of people. These were not any ordinary people though. Oh no, these were super powered, turn based strategy, super people. This group of SPTBSSP were all conveniently located on the deck of a ship, which must have been pretty big considering that this group of super people was very large as well. Anyways, all of these super people, ranging from the noble Eliwood to the angsty Erk to the murderous Karel to the, etc were present.

So these super people were all on the ship. This story is not about every single one of those super people though. If it was then the author would have had to go through all sorts of crap to find the names of all those small, unimportant figures he had forgotten about over the course of the game.

Anyways all of the super people did not matter at all to the story though. Only three did and I bet all the smart people out there can figure out two of them, maybe even three! Well for those out there who did not read the title _**and**_ are too lazy to scroll and/or look up this tale is about Eliwood, just and kind and innocent, Hector, just and sort-of-kind and about as innocent as … something not innocent, and Nino, the cute, cuddly, convenient plot device™. Every other character is just used to inject semi-witty banter into the story.

On this ship filled with super people that we do not care about except for Eliwood, Hector, and Nino, a conversation was about to begin. This conversation would change these super people's lives, change all of Elibe, hell it might even throw all of the cosmic balance into disarray! Who knows? No one would know that Nino's innocently spoken words could have such a far reaching affect on all of mankind. And so, not knowing of the mortal peril that she would enact with her words, Nino asked,

"So Eliwood, watcha gonna do when you get back home? You know, with your father being dead and all."

GASP! rang out from all those who heard Nino's blunt words. Eliwood's eyes began to tear, Hector resisted the notion to comfort him, a random character went spastic and three fish died in the surrounding sea. That's how much hurt Nino's words caused Eliwood to feel. The angst level on the ship rose to phenomenal heights so large that even the normally uncaring people felt the need to gaspcrysobwhatever.

"How could you say something so hurtful Nino? I thought you cared!" cried Eliwood. He conveniently forgot the fact that Nino should not have known about his father's death or the fact that Nino would not have cared seeing how little on screen time they had spent together. By little we mean, next to none.

Cocking her head oh so cutely to the side she replied, "I just wanted to know. I mean you have to get married and have children and rule you country forever and ever and ever. Aren't you worried you might fail? Huh huh huh? Do ya ? Do ya?"

The angst level reached about a six on the angst–o–meter at this point in time. Eliwood was holding a freak out party in his head at the moment, causing his face to become quite an unattractive shade of white. This little freaked out moment spanned quite awhile, like 10 minutes or so, and the other characters were wondering if Eliwood had been broken by the rapid fire hail of questions shot by Nino.

Slowly coming back into reality, Eliwood said "What do you mean by fail?"

"Well duh" answered Nino, ignoring the fact that she had used modern day Earth-slang and not something like 'Well of course milord' which would have probably been more appropriate for the time period. "You have to get married to someone once you get home. Whose it gonna be?" she continued,

Struck dumb by the question, Eliwood floundered for a response for he had conveniently never thought on the matter. As such he had no answer for Nino's question. As such he turned to look at trusty ol' Marcus for advice. Before he could get some semi-sane thoughts from him, Nino butted in answering her own question.

"Oh I know! It must be someone you're close to, right? And you have to get along with this person like really well and stuff. So who are you close to Eliwood?"

Thinking on his feet, Eliwood replied "Um…Ninian, Lyn, Hector –"

"That's it!" Nino exclaimed, glee written clearly on her face.

Speaking for the very first time, Hector hesitantly asked "What's it Nino?"

"YOU!"

"ME!"

"ELIWOOD!"

"WHAT?" cried Eliwood, lost in the mix of caps-locked words.

"TOGETHER!"

"HUH?!?" was the unanimous cry that rang forth from the deck on the ship filled with both important and unimportant super people.

"IT'S PERFECT!" Nino cried over the din, fire in her eyes and capital letters spewing form her mouth. "ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! NOT ONLY HAS –"

"Stop speaking in caps-lock and settle down. Then rationally explain what you have just suggested." suggested one of the remaining people who still had a full capacity for sanity in his head. Must have been a new recruit or something. He was then promptly thrown into the ocean with the three dead fish, who had died form Eliwood's sheer hurt over Nino's original blunt question, so that sanity may never return to Elibe again.

Taking a deep breath Nino continued on with her speech. "Like I was saying Hector and Eliwood would be the perfect match. Not only have they been friends for like forever, but they compliment each other with Eliwood being small and slim, and Hector being taller and bigger. Not only that they would both look aesthetically pleasing together."

Pondering over the fact that Nino knew a big word like aesthetically, Eliwood replied "How would we have an heir together? The point of all these political marriages and such is to produce an heir as well as solidify boundaries of kingdoms as well as other things as well . This heir would then ensure that the family line would be continued and then the process would repeat itself. If Hector and I were to be wed we would not be able to produce an heir therefore halting the entire process. It is not possible."

Grumbling under his breath, Fargus muttered "You're lucky you are a lord and we would get a game over if we killed you, because a logical answer like that earns you death in Elibe."

"Game over? What is this term of which you speak of?" questioned Eliwood, proving he was capable of naïveté as well. "Is it like Armageddon?"

"It can feel like it after a long battle right when you're at the damn end and that one stupid guy gets hit with that one damn attack that had only 10 chance of hitting him and you want to just ripyourhairoutandscreamatthestupididiotofafighterand…AHH!" responded Fargus, his answer quickly sinking into a sort of hysteria commonly found in players who wish to beat the game on hard mode with no character deaths. Using only iron weapons. And no vulneraries. Or healing staffs. Or cheat codes.

Throwing a look filled with both pity and empathy at the now sobbing captain, Nino turned to the dumbfounded Eliwood, who was currently wondering how he had caused this mental breakdown of highest proportions with only one question. He was also wondering if he could harness this power for himself. If he could then he would take out Nergal with his Question of Doom™ and become the next Evil Super Person™. For now he would just have to be content with being a normal super person.

"Let me answer your question both eloquently and logically my dear Lord Eliwood." Said Nino, deciding on taking a break from being all innocent and now becoming all scholarly and like. ""The main problems between yours and Hector's marriage are simple: You two would not be able to conceive a child and there would also be some sort of religious/political/Republican opposition to your union. There are solutions to these problems though and they are all quite simple."

Despite their horror at being confronted with Scholarly!Nino, who was at the moment wearing Canas' monocle, all of the super people on the deck of Fargus' ship were drawn to her voice like sailors to a siren. They wanted to know, no, they needed to know the answers to these pressing problems that separated the holy union of Eliwood and Hector.

Clearing her throat Nino began again. "Let us start with the religious/ political opposition. For religious opposition there is obviously none. If St. Elimine allowed such an effeminate man as Lucius to become a priest then there should be no opposition to homosexuality at all. I mean if Lucius got together with a girl it would practically be homosexuality in itself. For the political opposition the solution is also simple. There are so many gay people in Elibe that there will again be no opposition. I mean, if almost everyone in this not-so-little army of super people of ours can be slashed together then that means that **everyone** in Elibe can be slashed together!!"

Pausing to catch her breath, and to allow an indignant "Hey!" to ring out from Lucius, Nino began to explain her theories again. "For the purpose of the heir/heirs there are two possible solutions. One is that, yes you can have children together! Yay for you! If we have magic that can instantly cure near fatal wounds, reverse damage to weapons, and cause really cool visual effects while dealing ridiculous amounts of damage to us super people, then we have enough magic to make a guy pregnant. I mean we just have to give a guy a womb, connect that womb to a certain orifice, and genetically alter his sperm to become an egg. Nergal had to form whole damn bodies out of thin air with just his magic, some quintessence, and lots of love. What's the difference?"

"In a more logical route (despite the fact that logicality is illegal in Elibe) you could just use a donor mother of royal blood. I mean if a royal woman decides that she wants a child but for some reason does not have a husband then you can just have a child with her and raise it with three parents. For an excellent example, if Hector and/or Eliwood has a child by Lyn then that child could be raised by 2 fathers and a mother, possibly 2 mothers if Florina joins the family. In the end you get your child of royal blood and the child had the benefit of having 3 or 4 close parents. Pretty sweet if you ask me."

Survey says: The deck full of super people on Fargus' ship were dumbfounded. Not only did Nino come up with an idea, it had made sense! Well Elibian sense anyways. This theory had opened up whole new gates to fantastical new romances and intrigue and all that good stuff. Not only that but it allowed a possible theory for slash to become canon. Whee!

Quickly glancing at each other, both Eliwood and Hector looked away blushing. Oh yeah it had worked. Not only that but many other 'canon' pairings were popping up. Matthew and Guy were over in the corner, Sain and Kent were making out somewhere, and Lyn and Florina were going out to have a romantic Pegasus flight over the sea, which at the moment contained 3 dead fish and 1 dead unimportant OC.

Nino turned to look over the side of the ship, searching for something over the horizon. Perhaps the new future she had set into motion. In any case she grinned, thinking over how the super people she was traveling with underestimated her thinking capabilities. She may not have been the smartest card in the toolbox, but she had been raised by Sonia. That is instant manipulation prowess right there folks. She could contend with the best of them and besides she had the righteous power of yaoi on her side. She was undefeatable.

Nino grinned again. She would have Hector and Eliwood married by Tuesday.

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So was it any good? Was it tasteful, humorous, or to your liking? Or was it bad, horrible, and made you want to tear your eyes out? Please press the pretty purple button in the corner in any case. You know you want to...


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